Feeling Young

[Epicurus]

The going gray thread got me thinking about this. Is coloring our hair to LOOK younger really the smartest way to FEEL younger?
I have found that eating well and exercise has taken years off the age I feel. I really feel vigorous and can physically compete with much younger women. These measures actually can increase my life span and improve the quality of my life. Coloring my hair would not make me FEEL younger at all. It would do nothing but make others think I am a year or two younger maybe...or make others think I color my hair so they will think I am a year or two younger.

It comes down to this for me. Who cares how old I look? What does it really matter in the big picture? What seems to make more sense to me is actually physically feeling/being healthier/younger. Why do so many women feel the need (some very strongly) to color their hair to appear younger? I just don't get it? Is there some huge benefit I am missing out on by not painting myself to look as if I am younger than I am?

Collette

[Val]

Collette, I agree with you to a certain extent. I do exercise regularly and try to eat better. I lost 50 pounds in the last two years that way and feel pretty darn good. Compared to many women my age I think I am on the healthier side.

Coloring my hair is purely about looks, not feelings. I feel right for my age, However, if all the gray that I have came in, I would definitely look older than my age, and I enjoy looking my age. The women in my family go gray prematurely, and while it looked beuatiful on my mom at 60 - I don't want it at 39! I don't need to look like a 25 year old, but I think my gray hair would put ten years on my looks wise, even though I am still in okay shape and feel pretty darn good about myself.

It's purely an aesthetic thing for me. I want to feel like 39, not 50. And the gray hair and being called "Mrs." make me feel older than I am. :)

[Epicurus]

I understand Val, but beg to differ. If you didn't color your hair you would look your age. We just think that a 30 yr old looks 50 because so may color their hair. What you look like IS your age:) Said with the utmost kindness!
Gray hair is normal. Look at how many young women color they hair and have gray hair. It is normal. Covering is makes us all think it is not normal.

Collette

[Madelyn2]

I think many women cover their gray hair b/c they believe that it distracts others from appreciating or noticing other wonderful features. Our features and skin tone usually go with our natural color of hair. Gray hair can wash out a fair skin tone out, make a women or man appear pale and sickly. The gray hair can take away from a dazzling eye color etc.

Epicurus, you may think these are shallow concerns, but if it makes a women feel more confident what's the big deal? It is not always about concealing age. Sometimes, some people just want to feel more attractive, put their best feet forward. If someone is fine with gray hair, cool. If not, that's great too. My hair is blond. So it will be longer before I battle the grays. But if I feel like it, I will color it. Not b/c I want to look younger, I just want to look my best, according to my own standards. If I look my best with gray hair, then I won't color it. It is not about the color, just how I feel about how I look.

[Keri]

If it makes Me feel better about myself then I really fail to see how it's anyone else's buisness why I do it.

I don't do it to look younger. I do it to look my age. And please don't try to tell me that it's perfectly normal for a 27 year old woman to be over 50% gray.

I dont' color my hair for anyone else but ME. I color it because of what I think it attactive on ME. Nothing more, nothing less.

[Epicurus]

Keri, What you look like naturally IS looking your age. If your want to look younger that is your choice. The idea that we have to paint ourselves to look our natural age is ludicrous. Unless someone suffers disease or something what you look like naturally IS LOOKING YOUR AGE. If you do not like this or accept this I can't help that. Facts are facts. Before you alter your appearance you look your natural age. After you alter your appearance you have altered your looks from your natural appearance. How could it be otherwise? There is no logic to this.
If you don't think it is anyone's business and don't want to discuss it then don't. Your choice too. It seems by your reaction you have much deeper feelings with this then you are willing to explore at this time.


Madelyn2,
Why is this so though. I makes no sense to me. Outward appearance is important to all of us, myself included. It is not the be all end all though and it IS very superficial. Whatever each of our personal reasons for wanting to LOOK younger, it seems to me, that dealing with the issue itself would be wiser in the long run. Eliminating the need for this contrivance seems spiritually and emotionally like the healthier choice to me. Not to mention the millions of dollars manufacturers make convincing us all we have to look this way to be acceptable, beautiful, successful etc....

I think it misses the boat completely on a personal level. Don't we all want to be the best we can be for real? Looking the best we can is not being the best we can. To me, it has nothing t all to do with anything of importance.

I, of course, realize that there are certain occupations in which you would not be able to compete at all without altering your appearance to one degree or another. Aside from this I can't understand the obsession with looks we all have.

I can hear all the "it just makes me feel good" placations until the cows come home but I believe that on a deeper level it is much more than that. We wouldn't spend so much money, time and energy on it unless it was deeper than that. People wouldn't get so charged up if it wasn't more than that.

Collette

[Slabobbin]

I can hear all the "it just makes me feel good" placations until the cows come home but I believe that on a deeper level it is much more than that. We wouldn't spend so much money, time and energy on it unless it was deeper than that. People wouldn't get so charged up if it wasn't more than that.

We as a society have it ingrained into us that a certain "look" is "good" so that is what we strive for. And most of us, when we FEEL like we "look good" then it makes us "feel good" inside, it boosts our confidence. I don't really think that it is much more complicated than that for most people.

For example, in America the "look" is smooth legs with no hair. I usually let my hair grow in the winter as I detest shaving. It doesn't really bother me or DH. However because of this "idea" that has been so ingrained into my head since childhood, I honestly do "feel" better and sexier when they are all shaved nice and smooth. Now for me that feeling isn't usually worth the effort it takes to shave, lol, but for others it may be. And I don't think that it is any "deep" thing, I really do think that or MOST (not all) people it really IS that simple.

[Niles]

I agree to some extent, i.e. I do think our culture is youth obsessed, but considering the fact that it has only been the last century that actually living past fourty is the norm, it would make sense that society is going to take awhile to understand and appreciate an "older" look. Historically speaking fourty WAS old, now (at least in my culture it is not, unfortunately in many it is) it is not, and we are finding ways to deal with it.

Sure there are lots of things going on when it comes to social ideas about how we look. There are physical attributes we empasized based on current social fashions, there are statements about wealth, class, and station that we are making. These kinds of things have existed since the beginning of human history.

The entire argument being made is that everyone should want to look "real", but that has not been true at any point in history. Looking "real" has never been a big thing for humans, and the less "real" you want to look is purely cultural. Look at indiginous tribes that do all kinds of interesting body modifications. Hair dye has been around for centuries, as has make-up, peircings, tattoos, and extreme dressing styles. They MUST in some way help us feel more beautiful or why would it have continued all of this time?

It would seem more true historically to make the arugument that humans have no desire to look "real" at all, than to make the opposite argument.

Some people want to look "real" and that is wonderful, and hopefully very empowering for them (although I know some people that look "real" because they are just too depressed to care). If it is not empowering for you, if you find empowerment in modifying how you look, that does not make you any less secure, or any less of a "real" person, than anyone else. You are just "different", and have a different sense of physical empowerment, one that may or may not align with social norms (no modification to extreme modification are both on either side of social norms).

If social mores are making YOU feel less empowered then toss them, but if they aren't, keep the ones you like. All social customs are NOT in fact in place to make people feel less valid, and in fact if we are to continue to be "social" animals, this area of social bonding can be considered pretty important.

[kingclick]

Epicuris,
Just a quick question. Do you wear make-up?

[Madelyn2]

Keri, What you look like naturally IS looking your age. If your want to look
Madelyn2,
Why is this so though. I makes no sense to me. Outward appearance is important to all of us, myself included. It is not the be all end all though and it IS very superficial. Whatever each of our personal reasons for wanting to LOOK younger, it seems to me, that dealing with the issue itself would be wiser in the long run. Eliminating the need for this contrivance seems spiritually and emotionally like the healthier choice to me. Not to mention the millions of dollars manufacturers make convincing us all we have to look this way to be acceptable, beautiful, successful etc....

I think it misses the boat completely on a personal level. Don't we all want to be the best we can be for real? Looking the best we can is not being the best we can. To me, it has nothing t all to do with anything of importance.

I, of course, realize that there are certain occupations in which you would not be able to compete at all without altering your appearance to one degree or another. Aside from this I can't understand the obsession with looks we all have.

I can hear all the "it just makes me feel good" placations until the cows come home but I believe that on a deeper level it is much more than that. We wouldn't spend so much money, time and energy on it unless it was deeper than that. People wouldn't get so charged up if it wasn't more than that.

Collette

I agree that people should preserve their bodies and their looks, instead of abusing them, and then spending so much time, effort, and money trying to repair and revamp them to make up for bad habits, lack of exercise, etc. If you want to stay young looking, there are things that you can do that cost nothing -- exercise, don't smoke, no heavy drinking, or no drinking at all, stay out of the sun. Eating healthfully helps too, as does getting rest, staying active mentally.

I actually do all these things. But I still dye my hair (not for grays, but just for funky changes every now and then), wear makeup, etc. It really isn't about appearing youthful. I actually look younger than I am (I think so anyway! I don't really ask anyone else b/c it doesn't bother me either way)

I understand that we should not have to put on makeup and dye our hair to feel good about ourselves. Looking young should not be a priority. Looking healthy and fit, clean and neat should be all that we need. We should feel good about ourselves, and not worry about all the superficial BS.

But like Niles said, these physical standards we have are so engrained in our society, it is really difficult to feel good about yourself when you go against the grain -- simply because people don't treat you (general you) with the same amount of respect, you might feel reserved and uncomfortable in social settings, and you might even attract negative attention.

Also, for some people, in order to do their best, they must feel like they look their best. Now, this shouldn't be so. But it just is. It is completely irrational. But it is almost impossible to undo decades of behavioral habits and thought processes.

I wish I could just feel super-confident, upbeat, and "on the ball" with my hair undone, no makeup, no shaved legs, hairy armpits. I wish that I didn't get a charge having my hair colored at the salon. It is superficial, you are right. But I just I need certain shallow things to be on top of my game. I could try to undo this thinking, but what does it hurt? Yes, it is timeconsuming and expensive. But I kind of enjoy it. You are right, I get a charge about of it. Definately. I love browsing the makeup aisle at the grocery store. I like fiddling with my hair color. I like buying face creams and trying out new masks. I like ripping my Biore strip off my nose. I am pathetic huh? So shallow. But I like all that stuff. Consider it a hobby. One that you don't like Collette. To each her own.

[Opus]

The going gray thread got me thinking about this. Is coloring our hair to LOOK younger really the smartest way to FEEL younger?
Collette
you miss the point

Coloring your hair doesnt make anyone FEEL younger, it makes you/them/us/it LOOK younger

and for most, thats the start of making yourself feel younger, but it is only a beginning, all the stuff you mentioned are what you have to do to actually make a difference

[Clio]

Is coloring our hair to LOOK younger really the smartest way to FEEL younger?


Gray hair is associated with old age/ageing, so what if a 30 yr old is going gray? What's wrong with her colouring her hair to stop people from thinking she's way older than she is?
If she dyes her hair she will look how everyone expects a 30 yr old to look like, no gray hair, therefore she's looking her age. We don't expect a 30 yr old to have gray hair.

If she feels like a 30yr old, why not look like one?

As for older people dying their hair, so what? I personally LOVE a solid silver gray colour on men and women but some don't. I have no more right to condemn someone for dying their hair than I do for someone in their 50's to wear make-up, or listening to Justin Timberlake.

Colouring hair is all about confidence. If someone is more confident about their appearance, peace of mind comes with that and that helps people feel younger from the inside.

[Scarlet]

My father was turning white already when he went to college. I believe that would be unusual even if noone coloured their hair.

My hair is currently dyed. I'm not white, I just wanted a change. It is a much more vibrant more intense red than my natural colour is. To me it is like buying green metallic toenail polish, it is funky and fun for me to be different for a while.

Not everyone dyes gray because they don't want to look old... my mother is turning blonde/white, she dyes hers because it is very uneven and blotchy. She says she would be happy to be white blonde, but it looks like she has spray painted patches with it undyed. The way she has it dyed is so that you can tell her hair is turning, just more even.

[Tanya]

Well, I generally look way younger than I really am. I've always had that "problem", even in high school. I don't have gray hair (well, maybe I've found 1).

I color my hair purely for the looks. For a few months, I feel like burgundy. A few months later, I may feel like going back to my natural black and the Burgundy ends just don't look cool to me anymore. Right now I'm in a caramel/red/sandy blonde faze.

Believe me, it has nothing to do with wanting to look younger, I get enough of it as it is LOL!

[Epicurus]

Niles & Madelyn,
Excellent and very insightful posts. I will have to think and ponder and get back to this tomorrow.

KL no I don't wear make-up. I recognize I am not above all of this though. Even the clothes we choose can ba a part of this. I certainly do dress myself a certain way.

Collette

[Scarlet]

I'm curious as to why some people in society feel that being concerned about the way we look is superficial. There is clearly some reason why humans are concerned about how we and others look. Researchers hypothesize that certain traits are considered attractive because they signal fertility to potential mates... breast size, waist size etc. I think a lot of these things are hard wired into our brain and for somewhat of a good reason. And after all, its not just humans, some birds preen a certain way to attract a mate as do other animals.

[kingclick]

Niles & Madelyn,

KL no I don't wear make-up. I recognize I am not above all of this though. Even the clothes we choose can ba a part of this. I certainly do dress myself a certain way.

Collette
I wasn't attempting to get at you "being above this". I was just trying to set a frame of reference. Sorry for the poor commumincation.

I think it has to do about looking GOOD not looking young.

There have been a number of women that I have worked with that dyed their hair, yet they never hid their ages. Of course the ONLY reason why I found out that they dyed their hair was because I noticed that it had gotten more gray and then the next day it was gone. But still very natural looking.

[Epicurus]

If this is so Scarlet, then why have different cultures/times chosen such drastically different images to represent what is desirable? Foot binding, neck stretching, very round body, very skinny body etc.
I think there are some common sense things that represent fertility. A healthy appearance (as in disease free), round breasts and wide hips represent a potentially good childbearing partner who can nourish the child, a strong male with wide shoulders to provide for and protect. Yes all of these kinds of things I see fitting into what you are saying.
Feeling we have to conform to the level that, especially women, do is way beyond looking healthy and fertile.
In some people it looks downright grotesque. Look at plastic surgery for some examples of this phenomena. Extreme make-up and extreme hair coloring would be other examples of this. How about the women who have 4 inch fake nails? What is that about?

Collette

[Book Wizard]

My husband started going gray in his 20's. He is very much enjoying that I am finally starting to go gray. Why spoil his pleasure? Besides, my Granny taught us to be proud of gray hair and how we look. It isn't how a person looks, but how a person acts that matters.

[Tanya]

Again--what about us who already look younger than our actual age, don't have gray hair, but dye it just for the mood of the times???????

[Opus]

Hey I saw a nice shade of hair on the tv today

dark shiny black with bue tint in it, loved it

and Ozzy Osbournes hair is awesome, back shiny with bright red on the lower tips

looks awesome

[Clio]

In some people it looks downright grotesque. Look at plastic surgery for some examples of this phenomena. Extreme make-up and extreme hair coloring would be other examples of this. How about the women who have 4 inch fake nails? What is that about?

Collette

Jesus what does it matter? They do it because they are adults, are capable of making decisions for themselves and like how it looks. If there are self esteem issues there, so be it, they are THEIR issues.

Some would say you are the one with self esteem issues, feeling threatened by women who look far younger than their years.

And I agree with Tanya, what about those who colour their hair just fo the sake of a different colour?


Hey I saw a nice shade of hair on the tv today

dark shiny black with bue tint in it, loved it

My friend has that. It looks jet black but when the light catches it in a certain way you see a hint of blue. They do it in red too. Looks fantastic on people who can get away with jet black hair.

Ozzy's hair desperately needs an intensive conditioner. It's in poor condition but I like the fact he's not afraid to have red streak at his age.

[Jory]

Jesus what does it matter? They do it because they are adults, are capable of making decisions for themselves and like how it looks. If there are self esteem issues there, so be it, they are THEIR issues.

Some would say you are the one with self esteem issues, feeling threatened by women who look far younger than their years.

And I agree with Tanya, what about those who colour their hair just fo the sake of a different colour?




My friend has that. It looks jet black but when the light catches it in a certain way you see a hint of blue. They do it in red too. Looks fantastic on people who can get away with jet black hair.

Ozzy's hair desperately needs an intensive conditioner. It's in poor condition but I like the fact he's not afraid to have red streak at his age.

I was thinking the same thing Clio. What is the big deal?

I know women who look beautiful without makeup and hair dye, and I know women who like to put on the Glam and are STUNNING with the makeup and hair artistry. I put myself in the drama catagory. I love Glam and drama, and I like "younger" styles not because I am afraid of getting old or "looking my age" (whatever that means), but because I don't feel that age. Inside, I feel like a twenty something year old so why do I have to look like a dried up matronly old prune? Screw that. I am going to have fun with style until I am in my coffin. Even then, I am going out in style. Yes, I want to be attractive and sexy. I want to be a head turner for myself, and for others. I see nothing wrong with that. In fact, as someone who obsesses about my physical flaws, (not age related btw) a little confidence booster is pretty healthy.

If you are comfortable in the skin you are in, that is all that matters.

[IdahoMom]

If you are comfortable in the skin you are in, that is all that matters.

Not trying to be rude here but that comment just cracks me up. IF, one is comfortable in their own skin, um . . . then why does one need to "hide" their skin under makeup and other crap?

[Keri]

Not trying to be rude here but that comment just cracks me up. IF, one is comfortable in their own skin, um . . . then why does one need to "hide" their skin under makeup and other crap?


maybe one does not feel like they are HIDING but rather accentuating their skin and/or features.

[Jory]

Not trying to be rude here but that comment just cracks me up. IF, one is comfortable in their own skin, um . . . then why does one need to "hide" their skin under makeup and other crap?


In their own skin as in their own style. I don't wear make up everyday, but I look at make up and hair as artistry, not something used to hide flaws. For me, it is better than tattoos, because you can change your look to reflect your moods and still express an appreciation for beauty, and creativity. Ideal beauty is different for everyone, and I appreciate a wide range from simplistic to dramatic, depending on how frisky I am feeling. Oddly enough, I am the same way when it comes to decorating my home, but that is much more a commitment than putting on and taking off hair dye, or make up.