Are stay at home wifes just glorified prostitutes...

[Echo2]

Women who allow men to support them in exchange for sex, child bearing/rearing responsibilites and housekeeping. Are non working wifes glorified prostitutes?

[mom2burgess]

Not at all. It's a choice made by the husband and wife together to choose what they want to do. housekeeping and cooking and grocery shopping and whatever else is done throughout the day, not to mention child raising can be like a nother full time job, that you don't recieve pay for.

[GracieMae]

Yup, that's me.

I keep this house clean, cook all the meals, make sure the bills get paid, take the kids to all appointments, make sure they get to school, deal with Marion and I get no sick days. I'm on call 24-7.

I'm a glorafied prostatute :rolleyes:

[Shannie-Poo]

If I am a glorified prostitute than let me state right now that the pay sucks!!!!!! :yeah:

[Humdinger]

I would have to say no I'm not a prostitue even in the "nicest" sense however, I can see how it would be taken like that.

My husband has very few "chore" responsabilities because he is the main bread winner of the family, and I think it REALLY unfair that he works over 12 hours a day and then has to come home and work more. I do nothing all day other than supervise the maids, cook dinner, laundry ect... so why wouldn't I do the main household stuff? Even now that I have this job(I start on Monday), I won't expect him to do more things because my job is fluff compared to his. I work from 8am to 1pm, he works from 6am to 630pm. I will be making just under 9 bucks an hour and he makes well over 60k a year.

Plus I must say, I'll be one educated prositue. I should have my BS in criminal justice by the beginining of next year. :woohoo:

[April]

I don't think its a matter of "allowing" a man to support them and I don't think they are doing it "in exchange for" any of those things.
Those types of things have to be done by someone and some couples decide that its best for them to have the wife do it rather than pay someone outside of the home to do it. There's nothing degrading about being a housewife as there is in being a prostitute. Taking care of your family is certainly not the equivalent of having sex with strangers. That's really stretching it.

[kingclick]

Like I said before. If the wife is ONLY exchanging sex for support. Then it would be considered prostitution. But if the wife is actually working at home and making familial contributions then no. It's not prostitution.

[Melinda-Q]

Women who allow men to support them in exchange for sex, child bearing/rearing responsibilites and housekeeping. Are non working wifes glorified prostitutes?


I do not "allow" my husband to support me. We can start there. We choose to live together and we have chosen for me to be a SAHM to our children. That does not make me dependent on him. I am fully capable of taking care of myself and my children.

As for child rearing and housework that is as much his responsibility as it is mine. It is split/teamwork. He works at his career during the day. That is his job. I work at being a dedicated active mother who spends time with and educates her children during the day. That is my job. When he gets home from work, and when my day with the children is over -THAT- is when our teamwork begins. He does all laundry. He does the outside work including mowing. We sometimes hire someone to mow to free up some time. We both cook. We both clean. We often eat out, so dinner does not become an additional chore for us. He is as responsible for vacuuming the floor if he sees it a mess as I am. I am as responsible for cleaning a toilet if I see it needs it as he is. My job as active parent giving my children opportunities beyond the norm and educator is as important and time consuming as his career. EVERYTHING else is split.

[Sable]

Women who allow men to support them in exchange for sex, child bearing/rearing responsibilites and housekeeping. Are non working wifes glorified prostitutes?

What the hell? Hahahahaha! Women who ALLOW men to support them? Wha? Does said man have a brain?

Non-working wives are absolutely NOT glorified prostitutes. Well, not all of them anyways.

As for non-working, I work my ass off from sun up to sun down. So does my husband. Making love is not an exchange for anything. Taking care of our children is both of our responsibilities. Housework, we both have compromised on who does what so that it all works out and everything gets done.

I know some people may think this way, but boy... is it ever really fucked up.

[GracieMae]

What the hell? Hahahahaha! Women who ALLOW men to support them? Wha? Does said man have a brain?

Non-working wives are absolutely NOT glorified prostitutes. Well, not all of them anyways.

As for non-working, I work my ass off from sun up to sun down. So does my husband. Making love is not an exchange for anything. Taking care of our children is both of our responsibilities. Housework, we both have compromised on who does what so that it all works out and everything gets done.

I know some people may think this way, but boy... is it ever really fucked up.

Wonderfully said Atcha :clap:

[Echo2]

The reason I asked was that someone said that to me the other day and I was so insenced that I couldn't even speak. (Imagine me? speachless? LOL) This woman was serious and I'm sure would have argued her point if I had bothered to say something back. If I hadn't of been at work I think I might have biten her.

[Loveone]

Women who allow men to support them in exchange for sex, child bearing/rearing responsibilites and housekeeping. Are non working wifes glorified prostitutes?
No I am not a glorified prostitiute, just because I don't work outside the home doesn't mean I don't work. I do about 75% of the things in the home, while my husband does 25% of the things in the home(about that much).

[HunnyBunnyBoo]

The reason I asked was that someone said that to me the other day and I was so insenced that I couldn't even speak. (Imagine me? speachless? LOL) This woman was serious and I'm sure would have argued her point if I had bothered to say something back. If I hadn't of been at work I think I might have biten her.

Someone irl actually SAID this to you? Damn. What a screwed up sense of what it means to be a SAHM she has in her brain.

[Epicurus]

If so then my dh has hired the worst prostitute in the world :pointandl I won't swallow and butt love is a no no. I won't even do it unless I feel like doing it. Seems a pretty poor trade to me for a life or working his ass off for his family.
At least in my family it is an arrangement we decided upon together as a couple that we felt was in the best interest of our family. I would be the one working and him home if I made more money than he does. I don't make anywhere near as much money as he does. We could never live on what I make. We could both work so people won't think I am a prostitute but then who would be home with the kids all day? A stranger? I would rather not have kids at all.
Whoever said this to you has serious issues IMO. It is absurd.

Collette

[SallyzSoul]

My dh works very hard to bring home the money. I take care of the home and the animals. Although he does take the trash to the dump. No prostitution here. It's called a working marriage, team work, parteners, best friends, lovers, compromising, husband & wife, etc.

[mle30]

If you're happy being a 'ho, what's the problem?

[mle30]

I'm not calling anyone a prostitute - only that I give a big whoop about the term / implication.

If you're happy with whatever it is you're doing, wtf does it matter. I'm fine with calling myself a whore - just 'cause it'd equally matter as much to me if you called me purple with pink polka dots.

"Fear of a name inspires fear of the thing itself" - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

[mle30]

Oh my goodness gracious me! Let me just say that with DH working longer than I do and with us having NO kids, I still do the lion's share of the chores - and that's with me working full-time!! Once I cut back, you're damn sure I'll be "his maid"... uh... for me, it's about doing equal labor, not getting so hung up on a 'maid' title.

DH will still do the 'big' stuff - like lawnmowing, snowblowing. But the cooking and cleaning - I could fit that in and STILL have time for full-time work if I wanted. I'd be a little lost for exercise time and veg-out time, but... hell - even by MIL white-glove standards it wouldn't take 40hrs a week to make meals and keep the house clean!

I mean - if you're happy, that's all that matters. But I'd feel like a shlub with DH working 12-hour days only to come home and have to worry about dinner, laundry, dishes - it's just not hard for me to do it, and it makes me feel good that I was there for him.

[kingclick]

mle30,
You will think differently when you have kids.

Because it's SOOOOO hard singing itsy bitsy spider to the kids. And it's just sooooooooo hard to play pat-a-cake. And boy is it hard to play in the yard with them all day long!!!

[mle30]

hee hee

I have a SIL who was groomed to be uber-SAHM, and even SHE was climbing the walls crazy when the baby was a colicky infant that kept her up about 24-7. But you know what - she didn't take it out on BIL (who's working full-time and taking a full courseload), and she still got the job done a la cleaning, cooking, etc.

I just don't get how you can have it both ways - forego the 'workaday' world to take care of the domestic front, and then NOT TAKE CARE of the domestic front. I mean, yeah, it's not the 50s when all a woman could be was spinster or homemaker... but if you and your SO make the choice to have that kind of division of labor, then I think CC&E (cooking, cleaning, and errands) are part of the duties of the non-employed.

I figure I'll soon be ripped a new one for not understanding the world. It's only a matter of time....

[kingclick]

hee hee

I have a SIL who was groomed to be uber-SAHM, and even SHE was climbing the walls crazy when the baby was a colicky infant that kept her up about 24-7. But you know what - she didn't take it out on BIL (who's working full-time and taking a full courseload), and she still got the job done a la cleaning, cooking, etc.
How did she do it? Did she hire a maid to come in and help her? Because the horrors of reading Goodnight Moon to the kids is soooo taxing! And then of course there is the exhausting finger painting!! How did she ever manage?

[mle30]

It's so out-there a concept that it might get patented:

1. She either put the baby down or kept it in a snugli while she cleaned/cooked.

2. She vented to family and friends, each in small doses so as not to emotionally drain any one member of her social circle, so that she could spend time with her DH without spending all their 'couple' time telling her how hard she has it.

3. She knows that, ultimately, this was HER DECISION in the FIRST PLACE!!

4. It's only going to get easier as far as day-to-day, minute-to-minute attention demands. What is it, 3 years before you start with nursery school? That's how it was with me - 2 years of that, then kiddygarten, then real school. I mean, yeah, parenting is hard work, and important work, but ALL DAY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE WORK??

Really??

[Epicurus]

I am very happy with my SAHM status and don't generally complain about it. I also homeschool and have been a full time SAHM for 14 years:)
I in no way feel like a prostitute or slave or anything else. I do what needs to be done as a functioning and contributing member of this family.

Collette

[mle30]

... if high-class call-girls feel like prostitutes either. I mean, I know there are those who streetwalk and live miserable, hand-to-mouth, emotionally wrenching existences, but I have to believe there are those who like 'the life'. Maybe I watch too much TV, but I get the impression that there are those in the overt call girl business, or maybe kept mistrisses of the rich and famous, who do well by the arrangement - be it a nice flat, jewelry, lifestyle, money... and they would probably say the same thing as far as it being an arrangement/agreement they're comfortable and satisfied with.

Just some brain candy thrown out there.

[Echo2]

I agree. Parenting does NOT take up an entire day. It just isn't that hard. My mom managed to raise seven kids and keep a clean house with my dad never lifting a finger. We all had great meals, clean cloths and lots of attention. I was bored to tears when I was home taking care of my daughter and stepson. There just wasn't enough things to do. Kids just do not take up a solid 9 hours of time and pretty soon you run out of things to clean and cook.

Of course if one is watching soaps or yaking on the phone then nothing else is going to get done.

[Echo2]

I have a friend I went to high school with who became a call girl. SHe worked in Seattle for a large international company. She retired at age 31. She has more money then I will ever have and I make very good money. She eventually married and now has two boys, a senior in high school and a freshman in college.

She spent 12 years working two nights a week and then retired, never having to work again for the rest of her life.

I can see the advantages in what she did. Though I could never do it, I sure envy her "never having to work again" position.

[Melinda-Q]

I agree. Parenting does NOT take up an entire day. It just isn't that hard. My mom managed to raise seven kids and keep a clean house with my dad never lifting a finger. We all had great meals, clean cloths and lots of attention. I was bored to tears when I was home taking care of my daughter and stepson. There just wasn't enough things to do. Kids just do not take up a solid 9 hours of time and pretty soon you run out of things to clean and cook.

Of course if one is watching soaps or yaking on the phone then nothing else is going to get done.


I have to totally disagree with this. I have statd in past posts that my "job" is to parent and educate the children and hubby's is his career and all else is split evenly. I've been a full time parent for 6 years and not once have I been "bored to tears". There are so many things that can be done with children that I can not even imagine things slowing down enough to be bored. Our days are pretty non-stop. Between the daily musts (grooming, dressing, meals, everyday pickup, etc) and educating them (which can easily take 4 or more hours of the day) then there is just all the basic fun parenting that makes up each day. It can include anything from taking trips to every zoo, museum, festival, show imaginable to the more down time type activities like making homeade playdough, planting gardens, taking nature walks, teaching children to sew, painting, baking and cooking activities, trips to the park, picnics on the beach, bird watching, frog catching, trips to the movies, etc. and so forth! I can not imagine even a half hour of time free for being "bored" while my husband is off at work. Never happen.

[Epicurus]

What you cannot seem to perceive at this point in your evolution, is that it is a partnership. My dh does not own me nor command me. We are partners in this business of raising kids and running this household. we both contribute.
I have never made claims that caring for the kids takes up every minute of the day or that I can't work because I am too busy or any other nonsense. I want to be home to be here for my kids. Much of the time that means I am doing nothing at all with or for them. I might be on the phone or knitting or whatever. So? What does that have to do with anything? My dh has down times in his job too where he plays games with co-workers or reads the newspaper but no one grills him that as not working hard enough (including me). We both do what needs to be done. I am not his boss and he is not mine. Being a prostitute means to me that you assume I am at his beck and call to do his bidding with OR against my own will and in return I am paid. I see no comparison. That you do is telling of your upbringing but bears no relation to mine nor my current situation.
If you really see being a wife and mother home with her children as prostitution I suggest you avoid it like the plague until or unless you can work through these issues you have. It would not be healthy for you or your dh or the kids to live in a situation like that.
Just so you know, you did not throw out any new ideas that I found profound or "mind candy". I am 39 years old and have been married 17 years. It was not in the least profound to me. I am way beyond that level of analysis. I don't mean to sound condesending. We are all on different parts of our paths and there was time I thought such thought very profound. I have lived more life and now it is just limited thought to my perceptions. It fails to recognize so much of reality in favor of coddling this twisted part of your thought process. You need to pull the microscope back and look at more of the picture IMO. Yours is very incomplete IMO.
Collette

[Mabel]

I agree. Parenting does NOT take up an entire day. It just isn't that hard. My mom managed to raise seven kids and keep a clean house with my dad never lifting a finger. We all had great meals, clean cloths and lots of attention. I was bored to tears when I was home taking care of my daughter and stepson. There just wasn't enough things to do. Kids just do not take up a solid 9 hours of time and pretty soon you run out of things to clean and cook.

Of course if one is watching soaps or yaking on the phone then nothing else is going to get done.

Big applause for your mom. But not everyone's life is like that. Some people with just ONE child have a hard time getting everything done.

[Mabel]

If you really see being a wife and mother home with her children as prostitution I suggest you avoid it like the plague until or unless you can work through these issues you have.

I agree - I've never heard of such a comparison, and I can't believe it's a mind set that is actually out there. Bizarre...

[mle30]

I don't really see the horror in the mindset that 'whoring out' your services as parent and plaything. Mel Gibson once said that his job was whoring out his emotions for money. I don't think it implies 'ownership' - after all, if anything, there's a sense of entrepeneurism in the idea...

Lemme put it in terms of my experience. In the traditional working role, I know I (and DH, in his job) are answerable to performance evaluations, self-reviews, peer reviews, at-will employment, etc. You don't have the luxury of dictating the content of your workday in terms of x hours of fun trips, prioritizing a minimum of x hours/day educational/fun time in lieu of the more 'drudging' work. You're answerable to a boss, to a business that needs things DONE, and not necessarily YOU doing them. Does that mean you're "owned" by the business? Not at all. But, as my DH once said, there's a reason why it's called "work", not "fun", or "happy time".

In my current job, I do things I love, and things that are drudge (forms to fill out, purchasing copies to the pencil-pushers), and may have veg-time IF ALL MY OTHER STUFF IS DONE. I mean, I could do otherwise, but then I'd be doing a BAD JOB.

So if your chosen job is homemaking, then you should be... homemaking. And if you can do that AND still have time for the zoo, great. If not... well... my DH doesn't go to the movies with work to be done.

It's not about being owned. It's not about subservience. It's about GIVING, and TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. I don't tally who does what between DH and me as if it were a race. But when I have the privilege of being home, it's only fair to take the responsibility of the homemaking busiwork. And if I get that done and can knit, cool. Otherwise... well... I don't think I'd be doing too well at my job.

[Mabel]

So if your chosen job is homemaking, then you should be... homemaking. And if you can do that AND still have time for the zoo, great. If not... well... my DH doesn't go to the movies with work to be done.
Caring for your children IS homemaking. And sometimes, taking them to the zoo, etc. is part of caring for them, and stimulating them, and educating them.

[mle30]

Look, my current job includes cool stuff and not cool stuff. They're equally important. But I can't pick and choose so all the things I'd like to do are "mine" and all the things I'd rather not do as much are "ours"

[Mabel]

Look, my current job includes cool stuff and not cool stuff. They're equally important. But I can't pick and choose so all the things I'd like to do are "mine" and all the things I'd rather not do as much are "ours"

Nor would I. Were I a SAHM, my priority would be being a mom. I didn't say Stay at Home Wife, I said stay at home Mom. If dh would rather stay home, that's cool too - I would work then. But the point would be for someone to raise and care for our children. One person's job is the children, the other is paying the bills. Both are partners when it comes to the home.

Now obviously, if I had free time during the day, I would do housework - I think most SAHM's do. But that doesn't mean it's "MY" job to take care of the children WE created, AND take care of all of OUR housework. We're partners - THANK GOD.

[mle30]

I dunno... just respectfully disagree. In general, I think of SAHM and SAHW in terms of the old term 'homemaker'. And meals and cleaning just seems like the thing to be done by the 'primary care giver' if that caregiver is not otherwise full-time employed.

[kingclick]

Well if you don't have time to take the kids to the Zoo AND do the laundry....I have a suggestion.

Do the laundry when dad get's home and let HIM take the kids to the Zoo or park or museum.

You see. This is the problem I see.

.....forget it, I'm gonna start a new thread.

[Mabel]

Well if you don't have time to take the kids to the Zoo AND do the laundry....I have a suggestion.

Do the laundry when dad get's home and let HIM take the kids to the Zoo or park or museum.

You see. This is the problem I see.

.....forget it, I'm gonna start a new thread.
Fabulous idea! Not very well thought out though. My dh gets off at 5 o'clock. By the time he showers, and we eat dinner, it's 6:30 or 7:00. Our local zoo closes at 5, and the museum is an hour away, and closes at 6. I'd imagine many people would run into schedule conflicts in that scenerio.

[mle30]

Pretty soon I'll be a homemaker. Or a SAHW - whatever you wish. Between car rides to different volunteering places, chores, cooking, my own start-from-scratch community projects, looking after my health issues, I figure I'll be doing some form of work on a schedule similar to my DH - or 60hrs/week.

Most of it will be quite rewarding, will be generally enjoyable, and none of it especially grueling. Still, none of it would be what I consider "things to do on a Saturday morning / Sunday afternoon" type tasks. At all times, I'll have to be alert, responsible, handling other people's needs (in addition to my own), and be 'on-call' at a moment's notice to do some unpleasant tasks if need be (cleaning puke, salvaging binkies from toilets, weeding in the garden far longer than I wish). It's not a hardship, though. It's the lifestyle I chose.

So, I'll be a SAHW who substitutes what time some SAHMs might spend rearing *their* children with time in which I help other people's children (by caring for their discarded pets, their elderly, their school-age counterparts, etc)

I'll still be doing the cooking and cleaning, though. Not without exception, since DH likes using the grill on occaision, or eating out, and does the "heavy lifting" work with respect to the yard or driveway. Neither of us will be re-tarring the roof if it ever needed it.

We're also a partnership in finances, so there isn't an 'ownership' / power dynamic in that way.

I guess, in the end, I figure I'll be doing 20hrs/week domestic work + 40 hours/week community work on the weekdays. And this is just the stuff that would be 'on my shoulders' - not counting any community work DH and I would do together (weekends or otherwise). If you substituted community work for raising your own kids, isn't that kind of description feasible?

Just wondering.

[Mabel]

Very feasible, I'm sure - and if it works for you guys, more power to ya!

[mle30]

from my kitty's mommy.

[mle30]

So, if I have this straight:

Option 1: Mom and kids go to the zoo while Dad works

Option 2: Dad tries to take kids to zoo after work - not feasible due to zoo being closed in evenings

How about Option 3 - Dad takes kids to zoo on Saturday or Sunday, or other day off, while Mom works?

[Mabel]

WHY though LOL. If dad and mom discuss their options, and think the best option is for mom to take care of the children at home, why should mom sit around with bored, unstimulated children all week long so that dad can take them on the weekend??? Why can't mom do the things with the children, and dad do things with them when HE can, and both help around the house?
My dh has been following this as well,and we SOOOO don't get the big deal LOL. He can't imagine telling me to sit around the house with the kids (especially toddlers!) and occupy them and do all the housework, and he'll take them to the zoo, etc. when he has time, so that *I* have time to do the housework LOL. It's foreign to us.
My husband and I, if we decided that our best option was for me to stay home, know that it would be my "job" to raise the kids best I can while he was gone, while he made the money we need to support the family. We each have a job.

[Mabel]

Somehow I think that you might be thinking of the "caring for the children" part to be a big party or something - it isn't. I have nannied for 7 years, and it isn't always fun and games. Even GOING to the zoo can be ..... interesting LOL. So it isn't like mom watching the kids is on vacation or something.

[Echo2]

What I don't understand is that if careing for the kids and keeping the house is a full time job, how come the internet is filled with stay at home moms posting on bulliton boards like this all day long. I would estimate that about two thirds of the people on these b-boards during the day are stay at home moms. Some of them are even home schooling. Where do they find the time if they are so busy? And how come after being on the web all day they want their husbands to help with the housework when he gets home?

I am ducking as I hit the submit button because I know a whole lot of people in this board are SAHM's and are going to be angry at this observation.

[Mabel]

What I don't understand is that if careing for the kids and keeping the house is a full time job, how come the internet is filled with stay at home moms posting on bulliton boards like this all day long. I would estimate that about two thirds of the people on these b-boards during the day are stay at home moms. Some of them are even home schooling. Where do they find the time if they are so busy? And how come after being on the web all day they want their husbands to help with the housework when he gets home?

I am ducking as I hit the submit button because I know a whole lot of people in this board are SAHM's and are going to be angry at this observation.
Actually, MANY people who post on bb boards are posting from.........WORK! GASP!! LOL. And!! Believe it or not, my dh gets breaks at work. One 15 minute break in the morning, a half hour lunch break, and one 15 min. break in the afternoon. I imagine that SAHM's like to just take a breather during the day, maybe during nap time or something, as well! That's cool.


We aren't going to go anywhere with this one. My dh and I feel that we are partners. If we decide that I should stay home to care for our baby, then that is my priority. What housework I can get to I will, because it is my house as well. When dh gets home, if there are other household jobs to do, he will do some along with me, because it's his home as well. If you feel it is your job solely to care for your home, that's great for you (and your dh LOL). But my dh and I don't work like that.

[Mabel]

how come the internet is filled with stay at home moms posting on bulliton boards like this all day long.

Also, going by this.
1.) Name someone here who posts all day long. Today I have off from work, because we're going up North. So I've been on more than usual. But usually I'm a work. NO ONE that I know of here sits all day and posts. Michele is a SAHM, and I RARELY see her on for more than a few minutes at a time. Gracie is a SAHM, and she is on in the mornings, and then rarely on during the day. I can't even THINK of another SAHM that posts here, though I'm sure there are some.

2.) As for other bb boards, where these all day long net SAHMs are posting - do I assume all SAHM's are productive? Heck no. Just like I don't assume all working folk out in the work force are productive. Many are not, and take all the shortcuts they can. But I think stating that the bb board world is filled with sahm's who've got nothing better to do than post on the internet is a bit of a skewed perception LOL.

[Echo2]

Just an observation.

[Mabel]

I repeat :)

1.) Name someone (a SAHM) here who posts all day long. Today I have off from work, because we're going up North. So I've been on more than usual. But usually I'm a work. NO ONE that I know of here sits all day and posts. Michele is a SAHM, and I RARELY see her on for more than a few minutes at a time. Gracie is a SAHM, and she is on in the mornings, and then rarely on during the day. I can't even THINK of another SAHM that posts here, though I'm sure there are some.

[Echo2]

Nice try but I am not falling for it. I have only been on this board a couple weeks and though I don't know everyone here, there are at least three SAHM who post continuelly throughout the day. Yes, it may be off and on, however, I know that one has to sit at the computer, read the thread, think about it, type something out and post it. Doing that a dozen or more times a day takes up a lot of time. And we can assume that with each post they have read at least one string if not more. So the three to five minutes it takes to post is not the only time the person is at the computer. The board I left had six of them and one home schooled her older two. She was on and off all day long and was also the administrator. I am on and off all day myself. I know how much time it takes to stay current with a string and make the occasional post. To me, being on the web all day does not mean sitting at the computer for 24 hours straight. It could mean coming back to it every hour for ten minutes. But then I don't believe I ever said "sits all day and posts." - those were your words.

I am not accusing anyone of anything. I am just making the observation that some SAHM spend a lot of time on the web.

[Mabel]

Nice try but I am not falling for it.
I'm not asking you to "fall" for anything. It isn't a trick. You specified this board, and the SAHM's on it, and if you can't back that up, you shouldn't post it.
I'd be quite curious who you can name, as I can only THINK of 2 sahm's, and I'm an admin.

[GracieMae]

Yes, my computer is on all day. Yes, I post through out the entire day.

My housewrok gets done and my family is cared for. My husband has no problem with this so I don't feel the need to explain my self to anyone here.

[GracieMae]

Also Echo, I have worked in the past. I'm sure I will work again in the future. *I* was the breadwinner for awhile and Jim took care of the kids.

At this point Marion needs me at home. This computer is sometimes the only adult conversation I get being as Marion's problems pretty much alienate me from the outside world.

[Mabel]

Okay, I did my own research. Again, I am only stressing this point because you DID stress THIS board. You said a lot of members of this board were SAHM's, and specified at least 3 who post continually throughout the day. (which could mean anything lol).

Of the active members here (members with over 100 posts) there are 10 SAHM's for sure, possibly 13 because I'm not sure about 3 of them. The most active of those 13 is GracieMae, who admitted to posting on and off all day. Besides her, the rest of the list does NOT post throughout the day - in fact, I wish some of them would post more!! Some of those posters (the sahm's) NEVER post during the day - only at night.

[GracieMae]

I'm a post whore mabs ;)

I am back and forth in front of the puter. I can assure Echo I don't spend my entire day at the computer.

[Echo2]

Somehow I knew you guys would get all bent out of shape about a simple observation. This is not an indictment on you or your life style. Just an observation.

Gracie Mae, Slable,Epicurus and Mabel.

Remember in an earlier thread I mentioned being bored when I was home careing for two children. I sure wish I had had a computer to distract me. I have always hated daytime TV and refuse to watch it so I read a lot which is fun, but like you mentioned, interacting with adults is a nice break from being around children all day long.

For the record, I did not mention this board specifically in my post. I said...

"I would estimate that about two thirds of the people on these b-boards during the day are stay at home moms."

[Epicurus]

If it is just semantics we are talking at this point, I choose positive terminology to describe my life and the arrangements I have chosen. If anyone chooses to describe themselves as a whore (negative term), that is their business. I am happy with my life and I would describe it in terms that reflect this fact (partnership):)

Collette

[mle30]

really, I don't care if anyone's DH is happy doing EVERYTHING. Or NOTHING. Or anywhere in between. Whatever floats your boat and makes you happy. However, if one were to ask me what I felt would be fair in a household I made with my DH, it would look like the things described in my previous posts.

Where did I say raising kids was a party? Did I not say that, in essence, my community work is devoted to helping other people's kids? After all, even the elderly were someone's children - though they should be respected and cared for because they're PEOPLE, not senior citizens who were once children. But I digress...

I'm sorry - I've worked out of the home, and in the home, and working in the home is easier. Even when the home has kids, IME. Not that it isn't tiring, and messy, and very busy... but the best advantage I've had is that at home, I'm my own boss. Say no, make some quiet time, get out the baby gate, and in 15 minutes the kitchen can be wiped down and dishwasher running. If you sing Old MacDonald while you work, I think it takes about 10 animals :)

Also, it's not like the option is either zoo or boredom. I'm just saying one can do attention-getting things with practical upkeep feathered in. I also see myself, if I ever had kids, saving trips + visits and whatnot for the DH over the weekend. He gets to spend time with the younguns, they get to have fun, and I get time to myself!

Alas, that'll never happen, so I'll have to settle for couple's time over the weekends.

[Epicurus]

If you all would like me to explain how I could be on the computer during the day submit your requests and I will see if I can find time to get to it;)

Collette

[GracieMae]

Slabobbin isn't a SAHM :)

[GracieMae]

If you all would like me to explain how I could be on the computer during the day submit your requests and I will see if I can find time to get to it;)

Collette

I'll fax you a questionare stat :D

[mle30]

one of the first lessons in anger management (I volunteered to help battered women), and in 'assertiveness class' is a desensitizing technique in which you learn to become 'thick skinned' so that words, phrases, opinions, etc, don't upset you. It helps you be able to deal with a point at hand, or just keep your blood pressure low and self-esteem high, when other people's crap doesn't matter.

I'm pretty much a SAHW. And yes, I feel bad sometimes when that doesn't seem respected - the looks, the patronizing 'you're JUST an xyz..', etc. But I wouldn't even have a sore spot as far as that if, at least for that moment, I didn't feel a little insecure about it myself. After all, to be put on the defensive, one has to feel - at least on some level - that they have to defend themselves. Why?

I'm a whore! WHORE! WHORE!!!

[Epicurus]

I don't want to be desensitized. I choose to remain sensitive to my feelings and others.
I am not afraid of a word. I choose to live life with respect for words that hurt and believe that taking the meaning out of words has gotten us into a very bad place indeed. So you keep calling people whores and insisting it has zero meaning and I will go on seeing myself in a positive light.
I don't have anger problems but if I did I think the yoga I do would pretty much be all the help I would need. It includes the ultimate respect for oneself and others. Using negative terminology in an attempt to become more modern or enlightened IMO is completely missing the boat.
It is semantics. Their are meaning behind the words we choose and that in itself tells it's own story. I am of the belief that to some extent we create our own realities. Thinking of myself as a whore would be a negative reality to intentionally encourage in myself. This is not my choice. I certianly support your right to see yourself any way you choose.

Collette

[Epicurus]

Gracie,
My dh took the boys bowling with an unexpected day off. I have "free" time :claps:

Collette

[GracieMae]

Free time is good :) The girls are actually playing together right now so I too have some time before I cook dinner.

Ya know, I once had a member of another site make a time line of my posts. And she said *I* spent too much time online :rolleyes: :howling:

[mle30]

changing the meaning and stigma of words DOES create our own reality - it redefines it.

btw - I'm not enlightened - I'm just strange.

I'll tell Anger Management you disagree with ther practices :) (noooo - I'm just kidding). I actually thought the same thing when I first heard the word 'desensitizing' - like it was draining the emotion/empathy out of you. In my experience, it's really not like that - any more than the idea that anti-depressants are 'happy pills' that replace the "real" you for some euphoric 'high' version. In each case, they can be an effective therapy that lifts the 'angry' or 'depressive' veil from one's life, allowing them to be MORE, not LESS, themselves.

Besides - who did I say here needed anger management?

Time for a spit-take :pop:

[Epicurus]

I think that the method of desensitizing words is a good one for isolated instances. I don't think it is a good overall way to live life.
For instance, if one of my kids was being called a name we might use that technique to help him realize it IS just a word. We can't always control what people call us and that is a good instance to use this technique.
However, to use it in a blanket way in calling OTHERS names or negative terms is an abuse of the concept KWIM? I am glad it helped you with your situation:)

Collette

[Echo2]

epicurus - Are you a stay at home mom? You mentioned home schooling in another thread?

[Sable]

I'm a SAHM and ... oh hell. Forget it. *sigh*

[Epicurus]

Yes I am a SAHM and I HS my kids:)

Collette

[GracieMae]

I'm a SAHM and ... oh hell. Forget it. *sigh*

I know the feeling :howling:

[Sable]

:boobi: :bigeyes:

My favorite smilies and they both apply to this thread.

I'm such a whore, but at the same time I'm mortified. :twitch: LOL!!!

[Melinda-Q]

Well if you don't have time to take the kids to the Zoo AND do the laundry....I have a suggestion.

Do the laundry when dad get's home and let HIM take the kids to the Zoo or park or museum.

You see. This is the problem I see.

.....forget it, I'm gonna start a new thread.


Either I will take the children to the zoo during the day OR dad and I will take them on the weekend since we do a few large zoos that take at least all day to see it all. Dad does all the laundry.

I'll rear the children during the day while dad works. At the end of the day, we can share anything else that needs to be done to OUR house and OUR things.

[Niles]

I may have been awhile since some of you all where out in the workforce, but trust me, there are a lot of working people that are doing nothing but "glorified prostitution." :)

But I will have to ask DH tonight if he considers himself a "glorified gigolo".

I think he would probably be flattered, then respond "does that mean we get to have sex?"

[kingclick]

Either I will take the children to the zoo during the day OR dad and I will take them on the weekend since we do a few large zoos that take at least all day to see it all. Dad does all the laundry.

I'll rear the children during the day while dad works. At the end of the day, we can share anything else that needs to be done to OUR house and OUR things.
But what does "rear" mean?

Does it mean that Dad gets all of the crap jobs that you don't want to do? And you get the fun jobs like playing pat-a-cake and watching the kids run through the yard?

Find me a dad that would rather spend time at the office than spend time with his children and I will find you a man that shouldn't be procreating.

By choice he may be the one who works 10 hours a day. But them forcing/guilting him into spending most of the rest of his day doing chores while you were able to go to the park with the kids seems put dad in as a second class citizen in his own childrens lives.

Children need equal time with both parents. But that is just my opinion. I'm usually wrong here.

[Lady Thatcher]

I read this thread and was about to post something, something along the lines of..

Notice that the only one's who are buying into the prostitute theory are the ones who:

1. Don't have children.
2. Put their children in daycare all day long and someone else watches them.
3. Are male.

But then I realized... Mable doesn't have a child outside of the womb yet. But yet she sees it for how it is. My husband is a male... and he knows it for what it is.

So I figured out... that the correct response here is that I must remember that some of you morons were born with the dumbass gene, and that the only way for you to remove that gene is to respectively remove your head from your ass. I hope at some point, someone gives you the instructions on how to do this.

[kingclick]

I read this thread and was about to post something, something along the lines of..

Notice that the only one's who are buying into the prostitute theory are the ones who:

1. Don't have children.
2. Put their children in daycare all day long and someone else watches them.
3. Are male.

But then I realized... Mable doesn't have a child outside of the womb yet. But yet she sees it for how it is. My husband is a male... and he knows it for what it is.

So I figured out... that the correct response here is that I must remember that some of you morons were born with the dumbass gene, and that the only way for you to remove that gene is to respectively remove your head from your ass. I hope at some point, someone gives you the instructions on how to do this.
Way way way way WAY OUT OF LINE!!!!!

[GracieMae]

Way way way way WAY OUT OF LINE!!!!!

I have to agree with KL on this one. That was a personal attack. The TOS states no personal attacks.

[HunnyBunnyBoo]

I may have been awhile since some of you all where out in the workforce, but trust me, there are a lot of working people that are doing nothing but "glorified prostitution." :)

But I will have to ask DH tonight if he considers himself a "glorified gigolo".

I think he would probably be flattered, then respond "does that mean we get to have sex?"

Sounds like my dh too. If it means he can have sex, he'll do anything or call himself ANYTHING.

The week after I told him that a clean kitchen gets me hot, that room was so spotless that I could have let the kids eat off the floors.

[Lady Thatcher]

I have to agree with KL on this one. That was a personal attack. The TOS states no personal attacks.

Oh please. This entire thread is a personal attack. From the sarcastic comments about how (insert whiney voice here) it's just so damn hard to play patty cake with your child, to the term "prostitute" to describe a mother. If someone was saying this to me, in person, whether I was a working mother or a stay at home mother, I would be disgusted with the conversation, and would take it as a personal attack and I would most likely punch the person because of their egotistical, arrogant and moronic opinion. Personal attack. It started when this thread started... I'm only reciprocating the BS attitude piled on the sanctity of motherhood.

[Melinda-Q]

But what does "rear" mean?

Does it mean that Dad gets all of the crap jobs that you don't want to do? And you get the fun jobs like playing pat-a-cake and watching the kids run through the yard?

Okay,I've not been at this board a long time so I don't know your posting style, but it has dawned upon me that you are either 1. very naturally sarcastic or 2. don't realize what can be put into parenting. This is not a personal attack, mind you. I married a man with a great sense of humor and sarcasm is part of it. But what cracks me up is that when you talk about parenting you talk about things like playing pat-a-cake and fingerpainting. Trust me when I tell you that my job as a Stay At Home Mom is far more complex. And I will add in that at any point past , say 6 months, I would consider pat-a-cake a bit dumbed down for any child. What does rear mean? It's a bit of everything. It's getting children up and out of bed and groomed and fed and ready for a long day. It's teaching manners. It's teaching self help skills. It's encouraging independence while still being there for your child. It's teaching them about the world around them from the great artists and composers to reading, math, science, and so forth. And yes, it IS taking them to the zoo (which includes lessons on the animals, their habitats, their species, class, etc). It includes a lot of fun things that have educational value. Things that neither my husband nor I would want our children to miss out on. I do realize that not all parents view the same things as important. I also understand that not all parents put the time in teaching their children in the same way we choose to. But then again there is a reason that most 5 year olds were reading Dr. Seuss when mine was reading Treasure Island. {And no, we are not pushing them, but this seems to be one of those natural extensions of the way they are raised.}


Find me a dad that would rather spend time at the office than spend time with his children and I will find you a man that shouldn't be procreating.

I totally agree with this. This is one of the reasons I am very glad to be married to the man I chose to marry. He is one of the best "family men" I have yet to encounter. Who says it is an either or situation. Many men work to support their families. They also manage to do their part and spend maximum quality time with their families.

By choice he may be the one who works 10 hours a day. But them forcing/guilting him into spending most of the rest of his day doing chores while you were able to go to the park with the kids seems put dad in as a second class citizen in his own childrens lives.

Well first off, I wouldn't want my husband to have to work 10 hours a day. To me that would be a horrible position to be in. As it is, he is lucky enough to not have to work even 8. However it is definitely our choice for him to work and for me to home with the children. This is for several reasons. One being that his earning potential is far greater than mine. My earning potential probably maxes out around 65-70 thousand dollars a year. His is far greater. So it makes sense. It also makes sense in that I have more education and experience in the area of dealing with children and child development.

Who says anthing about forcing/guilting anyone to do chores? It isn't like he comes home from work and it takes 3 hours of doing chores to keep the place going! LOL. On an average day, he gets home from work and immediately goes outside the children. He plays with them , colors with them, does playdough with them, rides bikes with them, walks them to the beach, etc and so on. We eat dinner and he bathes them and reads to them. And we aren't talking a copy of Goodnight Moon! LOL He will sit and read 4 or 5 chapters of a good classic novel. Then he (and I) will take time to snuggle them or rub backs until they are asleep. In the summer, they will often stay up much later, but they will sit in their rooms after books and watch a good DVD and doe off later. Once they are asleep or settled, then we do what needs to be done. He will throw a load or two of laundry in, while I vacuum. He may clean a bathroom that needs it, while I rearrange the book shelf or clean the kitchen. And add to this that we are usually done in enough time to spend some quality time together each night when we are done. And when necessary we have a little additional help. We have a cleaning lady that comes a couple times each week. This keeps things from becoming over taxing for either of us. When need be we will hire someone to mow the lawn in summer, or plow and shovel in the winter. It's all about good time management and priorities in my eyes.


Children need equal time with both parents. But that is just my opinion. I'm usually wrong here.

EQUAL time is usually impossible in any family, even on one like ours where dad works less than 8 hours a day. Usually by the time a dad comes home (4,5,6 O'clock) there isn't a whole 8 hours left for spending "equal time". I do think it is important though that men spend as much quality time and as often as possible with their children. That is how we live. Pretty much everything goes on hold until our children are down for the night. That way they get mom's undivided attention during the day, and dad can spend what hours are left when he gets home from work with them.

[kingclick]

Melinda,
Thanks! What you describe in that post is very different than the picture that I got from your earlier posts. This is why I ask questions! (sometimes sarcastically) So I can get a better picture of what people are trying to say.

It seems that you have set it up pretty fairly. And it also seems that your husband is lucky to have the job he does.

[Def.I.Nition]

Women who allow men to support them in exchange for sex, child bearing/rearing responsibilites and housekeeping. Are non working wifes glorified prostitutes?

You are kidding right? They are "allowing men to support them?" It seems child rearing, housekeeping, grocery shopping... oh hell it seems like they are supporting the husband.

[Peanut]

You are kidding right? They are "allowing men to support them?" It seems child rearing, housekeeping, grocery shopping... oh hell it seems like they are supporting the husband.

Def, once again you speak from MY heart here. IN MY CASE, my dh and I support each other. He works outside the home and I work inside the home, mutually supporting one another. We have both made compromises and sacrifices to benefit the overall success of our household.

If I am ever in your neck of the woods, I'll buy you a drink.

[Peanut]

WHOOPS! Submitted too soon.

Kinglozer, my dh would almost rather spend an extra day at work than go to ANY zoo. He hates the smell of animals in captivity (poo, for the most part)!

[OnederWoman]

Wow, that's just the adjective I've been looking for to describe my position!! Ha! Whatever. I will just answer with a simple "No"

eta: I am lucky in that I get to stay at home with my kid. Is it hard work? Definitely? Do I enjoy it? Most of the time? Would DH love to stay home with Jake? Most definitely. I count myself infintely lucky that I get to stay home and play pack-a-pack (patty cake) with Jakob. DH knows that I work hard taking care of Jake, but I also know that of the two of us, I have the better, funner, more rewarding job, imo. I try to keep the house up, and usually do a pretty good job. But I'm not going to fret over a little laundry in the hamper. My mom raised seven kids, always had a spotless house, and dinner on the table when my dad came home. I would love to be like that, but it's not wired into me. I keep a clean house, and usually have dinner on the table before we go to bed. DH helps around the house when he can. We don't have a 50/50 relationship, we have a 100/100 relationship where we both do whatever needs to be done to keep it working, and it works for us.

[Melinda-Q]

Melinda,
Thanks! What you describe in that post is very different than the picture that I got from your earlier posts. This is why I ask questions! (sometimes sarcastically) So I can get a better picture of what people are trying to say.

It seems that you have set it up pretty fairly. And it also seems that your husband is lucky to have the job he does.


I am sometimes accused of giving too many details. I guess in this forum my inane details will be welcomed! LOL