Your money? Our money?

[Michele]

SFAS:

One parent is a SAHP. The other works works out of the house.

The scenerio:

WOHP wants to buy something out of their price range, budget, etc. It is nothing she/he needs. A luxery item so to speak.

SAHP doesn't think WOHP needs this item and asks WOHP to please reconsider.

WOHP says, "It is MY money *I* work for it and *I'll* buy what I want with it."

Thoughts? Is it WOHP's money, or is it shared money?

[Jory]

It is our money. When the WOHP uses the excuse that it is their money, that sets up a condition of control and eventually resentment. That is not a healthy attitude to have. If the WOHP has a problem with the arrangement, then that should have been discussed and worked out before they decided on one to be a SAHP.

[mom2burgess]

Shared money.

[kingclick]

It's our money. EVEN IF both parents worked outside of the home it would STILL be "our" money.

[GinnyPotter]

Shared money.

His being the one who works doesn't give him the power to make all financial decisions, just as my being the primary caregiver of our children doesn't make me the sole decision maker for them.

[Quamie]

I am a SAH or WFH mom my hubby works out the home. We have had discussions about how the money will or wont be spent because I do the bills.

But in the beginning I have to tell my husband that my job as a SAHM is worth more then he can imagine. And over time he has learned that it is true. We dont make any purchases with out discussing it first. First because he may make more money then I do but he has NO idea really how it is spent and where it goes... Unless he wants to be HOMELESS he looks good asken before he spends. :wink2:

[mle30]

Easy answer - shared money

Hard answer - really, if this scenario comes up, I believe it is the tip of an issue iceburg. The parents have to have a talk. Does the working parent already feel resentful? How did they reach the arrangement they currently have? Who makes the 'what's okay, what's luxury' decisions, and does the other partner think that's fair? Do either of the parents have a habit of picking up 'luxuries', or is this just one little splurge for them amongst a background of doing without? While it's a good point that money issues involve control (usually over the SAHP), they also involve a sense of feeling appreciated for the work that earns the money (usually for WOHP).

So, the hard - but more constructive - answer is that there is much too much left unsaid in this situation. After all, isn't it stated all the time that the number one cause of divorce isn't money, or sex, or children, but lack of communication?

[HunnyBunnyBoo]

I'd laugh my ass off and then hand the fool a bill for all of my services (since he's going to look at it THAT way) and see if he can still afford this luxury item after paying his "household help," since he's obviously treating me as such, and not as his partner in the running of OUR family.

If he were serious, or if this came up more than once, I think I'd insist on counseling, because his acting that way would mean that we're not understanding each other's role in creating a stable, loving home for ourselves and our children.

In reality, we BOTH check in with each other if we plan to spend more than about $20-30 on an item, not for permission, but just so there are no surprises.