Doesn't anyone want to share their funnies?

[luna]

i can not be the only obsessive/compulsive with a vast collection of humor (much of it clean) at TCC. ;)
you can share the threads i started, i don't mind.
that's why i'm listing them as categories.

[Pops In]

You're doing a grand job, Luna. Don't want to steal your thunder.

[Pops In]

Put another way, I don't want to fart on your chips.

[luna]

i just don't want to be an attention hog, i'm not like that. really.

[luna]

ok, here are a few more i grabbed from an old/new site i used to/have resumed visit(ing).
was that confusing? :innocent:

Thread Topics from Various Car-related Forums:

Mercedes forum
- My wife and her a-hole lawyer are trying to ruin me in divorce court. How do I get them both killed and not get in trouble with my medical board?

Bentley forum
- I used the ash tray today. How do I replace it?

Camaro/Firebird forum
- My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill 'em? btw, I have a record and I ain't going back.

Mustang forum
- Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me.

Monte Carlo forum
- Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain't stolen yo.

Civic forum
- Some punk kid in a Mustang tried to race me.

VW Bug forum
- The Save the Earth concert was a success (pics)

Yugo forum
- When's the last time yours ran?

Lamborghini forum
- Wind noise around 210mph

Miata forum
- Some redneck jackass in a Chevy Tahoe just ran over my car. (pics)

Chevy Tahoe forum
- Are gas prices going down any time soon?

Pontiac Fiero forum
- Just bought a new flame retardant suit. (pics)

BMW 7-series forum
- Where to get service on my Rolex?

Cadillac forum
- Problems parallel parking at bingo.

Buick Forum
- Is Medicare or Medicaid right for me?

Delorean forum
- Just got back from the future and blew a head gasket. Please help. I'm from 1985.

Crown Victoria forum
- How come people don't never pass me on the highway?

Honda Accord forum
- Mom is giving me the car. Looking for some cheap, used 18 inch rims.

Toyota Echo forum
- Do our cars use AAA or AA's?

Ferrari forum
- Need suggestions about a business trip to Columbia. Want to get in and out fast.

Porsche forum
- Tyre just went flat. Is it best to trade or sell the car myself?

Saturn forum
- Roman candle landed on my fender. Melted and need to replace.

Jaguar forum
- Is the carbon fiber dash kit group-buy still on?

Mini forum
- Just flipped the Cooper after seeing The Italian Job. Suing the movie company. (pics)

Dodge Viper forum
- I frightened myself on the way home from work yesterday. How to get pee stains out of the leather?

McLaren F1 forum
- Some punk kid in a F16 tried to race me.

Dodge Minivan forum
- Where's the best place to post the soccer schedule so I don't forget where I'm supposed to be?

Hummer forum
- Had a fender bender today. 24 hurt, 10 killed. Do I have to get the black touch-up paint from the dealer? He's 25 miles away. That's $35 in gas.

Fiat forum
-Hello? Am I the only member?

Subaru WRX forum
- I hate cops. Got ticketed for drifting in the Walmart parking lot.

Chevy pickup forum
- How do I git the dried tobacco juice stains off the side of mah truck?

SRT forum.
- Will this void my warranty?

RX7 forum
- 13B Groupbuy full, stop PM'ing me.

DSM forum
- Transmission Group buy Full stop PM'ing me.

Supra forum
- Head to big to fit in car, should have bought a Targa.

Vette forum
- Why did I pay $50k for something with a Cavalier Steering wheel?

Ford 2.3 forum
- Help! Replaced everything, still doesn't start?

[luna]

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.

The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid thing was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked, so I hauled her butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

[luna]

you've probably seen this or a version of it before:

NEW PRIEST SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take
this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-
Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God."

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's,
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's