Referring to step children

[Demona]

Prompted by the thread in the 'being a parent' forum, which I thought it was better not to interrupt.

The point made was that parents shouldn't make a distinction between their step chilldren and biological children. Fair enough in fact, but I think there is a case for making a verbal distinction.


I have a half brother and half sister from my father's first marriage. I'm not as close to them as my full brother, but that's primarily because they are about 10 years older than I am and I was not raised with them, and not because we don't share the same degree of familial relation (the difference becomes smaller anyway as my full brother and I grow up and cease living together). They are no less siblings to me because of that, and in fact I frequently omit the 'half' when referring to them. All this seems to prompt is suprise at the fact I have a sister, at which point I end up explaining anyway. It's easier to refer to them to those who do not know them as 'my half-sister' and 'my half-brother' but this is not a reflection of my relationship with them.

Cannot the situation be a similar one when referring to children? People are interested in the relationships between people - why do we bother to refer to our children or parents or siblings if that is not the case, when we could only refer to them by name? To be specific about the nature of blood relation does not need to be disparaging about those who are more distant or non-blood relations. In the thread in question the lack of blood relation was referred to anyway, but without the dreaded word 'step'. Likewise a difference was made between a son and a nephew raised together.

[Mabel]

I think it depends on the relationship. My "half" brother and I were raised together, and he didn't even understand that we weren't "whole" siblings until he was much older. We are so close, I would be heartbroken if he were to tell someone "oh she's my HALF sister" - I'm his sister.

Same with my father. He raised me as his daughter, I took on his last name (not legally) - when he introduces me it is "this is my daughter" - not "this is my step daughter" = and that's the way I want it to be.

On the other hand - my biological wife and I are NOT close at all, I only see her once a year at Christmas. When talking about her I do not say "my mother" I say "my step mother" or "my father's wife" - and she isn't insulted.

[PsychoBunny]

I think it depends on how all parties feel about it. I usually just introduce Jesse and Ethan by their names and if someone asks, I explain my relationship and then add that I love them as my own. For me, it is important that the boys and Claudia know that I see no distinction in my love for them, and that I will always see them equally.

[Lucid]

I have 2 half brothers that I was raised in the same house with . But due to them being 10 and 12 years older than me we are not really close. I refer to them as half brothers , they refer to my mom as their step mom . I've not really thought much about it we have always known we have different bio moms .

[GracieMae]

I have a half brother who is 18 years younger than me. I've always refered to him as my brother even though we have different fathers.

I refer to Jim's daughter as my step daughter and even that makes her mother uncomfortable. I treat her as my own and I love her but I also want to be respectful to her mother and not cause unnecessary tension.

[mom2burgess]

I have four siblings, that are half, but I have never called them that. It all depends on the relationship I think. Like, if someone just marries a person with kids, sometimes the kids rebel and would actually get offended if you called them anything but step. I have never reffered to my step parents as just simply mom and dad, and if my step mom said Iwas her daughter, I would be pissed, because I don t'like the woman. (sorry about the looks of this, and its disjopintedness (new word?) I have typing assistance to day lol

[PsychoBunny]

I also have a half-brother and half-sister that are 13 and 14 years older than me. I've always just referred to them as my brother and sister. I do also have a stepbrother and a stepmother and that is how I refer to them. I think that maybe some of it has to do with the difference in my age as to my response to them.

[Quamie]

I think like others have said it has to do with the realtionship.

I do have 2 step kids. I am not their birth mom's. In fact one of them lives full time with us the 8yo and he has no other mother but me.

The other ss is 7yo and has a mom who he lives with. I am his step-mother by law, but I do no parenting with him at all. He has a mom who loves him, and I respect her and the relationship she has with him. He calls me by my name NOT mom as my other childreen do.

I do feel like my other step-child is my child, because we have a closer relationship. He lives with us full time and I share parenting decisions with no other adult but hubby. I dont share these things with my other step child. It is no ones fault it just is.

The relationship between my husband and his children, as well as their mothers, were set before I came along. I work within the situation I am in. I maried a man that had children as well as he married me with a child.

We understood what that ment before we married. The children in my home have 2 parents no matter who gave brith to them, my step-son is cared for no less in my heart but the relationship is on a totaly different level.

[Humdinger]

I'm the one that made that comment and did it haphazzerdly at that. Sorry, I'll explain. As everyone else said, I do think it depends on the situation of the family. Of course no one will ever take the mother/fathers place especially if the situation is one of the most ideal custodys. I think what ever works for the family is what should be done, however I do find it odd that if everything is going great(as I wish it was that way with all blended familys) that a mother or father would object to having many loving adults to love and care for thier child. Parenting requires more then just being married to the childs mother/father. It requires guidence, love, teaching , and just about everything a bio parent would do so why the distinction?

[Quamie]

I should also say that I am a step child to someone. And I do not call her my step mother nor does she call me a step child. The children she has with my father are not my half brother and sister. Nor for my birth mother well I call her that. And I have another brother she had with her 2nd hubby he is not called my half brother either. NOW for the relationship I share with her/step mom I do not allow anyone to call her that nor do I EVER refer to her as such. She is my mother the one I know, the one that raised me by choice not by birth. She loved and loves me because she wanted to not because she had to. She is a mother she is my mother and I would ripe anyone a new ass that suggested other wise. That included my bio-mothers family that was not happy about me refering to mom as mom. Nor me correcting them about the situation. I have no ill feeling toward my bio-mom but she will get no credit where credit is NOT due. I was never abopted my bio-mother just was to damn busy with messen up her life and others to deal with me. So she let me shuffle between family members till my dad was notified. And even when he was acting an ass my mom took me in at 15 pg with a baby on the way. Loved me still raised me and helped me become a mom. SO she is my mom. :D