Why do people think they are perfect?

[kingclick]

I have a marriage so perfect that I would never have an affair on my spouse!

My spouse would never cheat on me! Somehow I found a superhuman!!

Other people cheat, I'm perfect!

Do you ever encounter these kinds of attitudes in real life or is it just on the net?

Do these attitudes show a certain "protesting too much" attitude? Or is it just a ignorance is bliss attitude?

Are there really some people that are immune to problems in their marriage SOO much that they can lord it over everyone else? Or do you think they are just full of crap?

[Peanut]

Are there really some people that are immune to problems in their marriage SOO much that they can lord it over everyone else? Or do you think they are just full of crap?

There are many people who do indeed have marriages that, to them, are as perfect as can be. Usually, (and in my experience,) these are folks who are taking a second-third-or-whatever turn at the marraige game, or who have waited a while before marrying, and generally have realized how important it is to let the little things slide for the sake of "having the perfect marriage". It isn't that their partner doesn't leave the toilet seat up (or down), or that they don't chew with their mouths open or have wandering eyes or a nasty tendency to leave their dirty socks on the passenger seat of the car after taking them off in heavy traffic...it is more a case of them choosing to look at the big picture.

Those I have encountered IRL who do have an as-close-to-perfect a marriage would defile that image by insisting they had it.

In other words, "full of crap". :paranoid:

[Jory]

Do you ever encounter these kinds of attitudes in real life or is it just on the net?

Do these attitudes show a certain "protesting too much" attitude? Or is it just a ignorance is bliss attitude?

Are there really some people that are immune to problems in their marriage SOO much that they can lord it over everyone else? Or do you think they are just full of crap?

I don't lord it over anyone else, but I do think my marriage is perfect to me, and I really can't see myself cheating on my spouse. If things got that bad, I would divorce him before I cheated on him, but I really don't see things getting that bad.

I never express how "perfect" my marriage is to other people unless there is a thread somewhere that people are talking about how wonderful their relationships are. Then I let loose, because why not? If something is good, shout it at the top of a mountain if you are happy about it. But no, I don't shove it down people's throats. At the same time, I also despise people that never have nothing but negative things to say about their spouse and marriage. Why be in it then? KWIM

ETA: I personally love hearing about other people's perfect marriages. It is good to hear about positive relationships.

[kingclick]

At the same time, I also despise people that never have nothing but negative things to say about their spouse and marriage. Why be in it then? KWIM
I would have to agree with that. Really bums me out to hear people trashing their spouses.

I guess I just don't like hearing the "pollyana" view that someone would never cheat on their spouse or have their spouse cheat on them. It's a possibility in every relationship. EVEN in good ones. Many people cheat because they are SELFISH not because their relationship sucks.

[Michele]

Do you ever encounter these kinds of attitudes in real life or is it just on the net? Both.

Do these attitudes show a certain "protesting too much" attitude? Or is it just a ignorance is bliss attitude? I think these people are just truly happy in their marriage and I am happy for them. They know what difficulties they've been through. They know what works for them. Most people know whether or not they will cheat. I don't think it's that hard to know yourself. As for your spouse, well some people just trust their spouses unconditionally. If that is ignorance, so be it.

Are there really some people that are immune to problems in their marriage SOO much that they can lord it over everyone else? I don't see how saying that you will never cheat and are confident that your spouse will never cheat is lording anything over anyone. It's just simply being confindent in your marriage.

Or do you think they are just full of crap? Nope.
...........

[Ginny]

I would have to agree with that. Really bums me out to hear people trashing their spouses.

I guess I just don't like hearing the "pollyana" view that someone would never cheat on their spouse or have their spouse cheat on them. It's a possibility in every relationship. EVEN in good ones. Many people cheat because they are SELFISH not because their relationship sucks.

Why is it so hard to believe that a person would never cheat on their spouse? Part of my personal belief system, even separate from my committment to my husband, is that it is wrong to cheat in a committed relationship. I know myself. I would end a relationship before I would cheat. There was infidelity in my parent's marriage and it was devastating to all of us. Even if my husband and I were having problems and I was interested in someone else, I would not hurt my children that way.

It's not that I see myself or my marriage as superior to others. I'm not saying that my marriage will never be without problems, or that we will never do things that are hurtful to one another. But I do know for sure that I will not cheat. This is just HUGELY important to me.

[Jory]

I would have to agree with that. Really bums me out to hear people trashing their spouses.

I guess I just don't like hearing the "pollyana" view that someone would never cheat on their spouse or have their spouse cheat on them. It's a possibility in every relationship. EVEN in good ones. Many people cheat because they are SELFISH not because their relationship sucks.


ITA on the selfish part. I do know that *I* would never cheat though BUT, you are right. I can't say 100% for certain that dh would never cheat. I would like to think that I am certain, but being 100% sure of anything that someone else would do is most certainly naive.

[Peanut]

When I first replied I didn't realize this was a spin off from the thread regarding cheating spouses...so if my first reply seems off kilter, it's because I was clueless what this was REALLY about.

I do not feel anyone has a truly "perfect marriage" as per my first response, but I do believe that there are still many couples in this world with strong enough morals and values (and I am not necessarily talking religion) who would NEVER cheat on their spouses. They may be tempted, but wouldn't go through with it.

[bRATmom]

I really cant seem to grasp the possibility of my husband cheating.... its not in him. Its not in him to tell a lie. Simply put, he cant. I have been married to him for over 11 years, he has yet, to tell anybody a lie. Dont think Im putting him on a pedistal for this virtue... trust me... he has many faults, this just isnt one of them.

I can say, I would NEVER cheat on him....Lke GP and Jory, its my personal belief system that would prevent me from ever doing so.

We also, are an older couple.... I found him when I was 28, got married at 29... he is 4 years older then me. probably plenty of time to experience "life" enough to know a real good thing when it came around.

In our current state, I would give my marriage 100% no cheating... however, if something happens, a hammer falls on his melon at work, he developes amnisia or something... I will give our marriage birth control pills rates,,,,99.9% effective.... nothing in life is absolute....

[kingclick]

When I first replied I didn't realize this was a spin off from the thread regarding cheating spouses...so if my first reply seems off kilter, it's because I was clueless what this was REALLY about.
Well you are STILL clueless to what this is really about so I will give you a clue! ;)

This is a discussion that I had with my wife. This also came from numerous conversations that I have had on the net and in real life.

[mom2burgess]

I can say, without the slightest doubt, that I would never cheat on my spouse. It would go against my morals. I however cannot say for certain that he would never cheat on me. I don't *think* he would, I also don't *think* he would have the opportunity to, but I could not say for certain

[Niles]

I agree with Peanut. My marriage is not perfect, but it is perfect to me, further, I don't especially like going on-line to trash my spouse, so if I am pissed at him, I doubt my on-line buddies will be the people I will reveal that to.

I think everyone has their issues in life, and you just might not be asking the right question, to get the "non-perfect" answer as well. :) Most common question on the internet is "what would you do if your spouse cheated", well that isn't the primary issue for everyone (or even the issue in their marriage the dread most) so those people are going to be fairly dismissive of the question.

If someone asked me the question about cheating, I would feel about 99.9% confident in saying that my husband would never cheat on me, nor would I cheat on him. I am not being a Pollyanna, and we are far from perfect but cheating is just not one of our issues. DH is on his second marriage, his first broke up when his wife cheated, and left him for another man, the repercussions of that have been earth shattering for all involved (especially their three children). It is not a mistake he would be involved in, and he waited quite a few years (we met 5 years after the divorce) and would not have married me if he thought there was a chance in hell I would do the same thing to him his ex. did.

I don't think my marriage is perfect, if you asked if my DH might ever have a substance abuse problem the answer is, yes, because he does, and I knew that going in. Scares me much worse than cheating any day of the week. That could happen, and I have to ask myself a lot of hard questions about how I would deal with it. And if there was a common on-line thread about this subject, honestly depending on my mood, you would get no response (I don't know why I have to discuss my biggest fear with a bunch of people I don't know well), or a very honest, and not close to perfect one.

But I am MUCH more annoyed at the people that have nothing nice to say about the person they are suppose to be committed to, than the people that think said person is too perfect. :)

[Mabel]

Why is it so hard to believe that a person would never cheat on their spouse? Part of my personal belief system, even separate from my committment to my husband, is that it is wrong to cheat in a committed relationship. I know myself. I would end a relationship before I would cheat. There was infidelity in my parent's marriage and it was devastating to all of us. Even if my husband and I were having problems and I was interested in someone else, I would not hurt my children that way.

It's not that I see myself or my marriage as superior to others. I'm not saying that my marriage will never be without problems, or that we will never do things that are hurtful to one another. But I do know for sure that I will not cheat. This is just HUGELY important to me.
Yep.

[Epicurus]

I also agree that my marriage is not perfect although I may present it as so sometimes. For me, I accept that my dh and I both have imperfections as does everyone. I accept his faults as I married him knowing full well what they were and visa versa.
Overall I feel I have a great marriage and cannot imagine any reason that would ever compel me to cheat on my dh. I cannot imagine him cheating on me either.
Do I recognize that there is a possibility that infidelity could occur in my marriage? Yes of course. Would I be completely floored and shocked? Yes. It would be totally unexpected and would be a seriously horrifying event in my life.

Collette